What Should One Do After Falling in Love Without Knowing Islamic Rules and Later Seeking Marriage Through Families?
Hafizur Rahman
Via email
Question: I am an unmarried young man. Without thinking much about the consequences, I fell in love with a girl, and she loves me too. Alhamdulillah, she is religious, observes hijab and tries to follow Islamic teachings, including offering prayers regularly.My intention has always been to marry her.
Later, we learned that an unlawful relationship between a man and a woman before marriage is forbidden in Islam. We realised our mistake. However, we never had any physical intimacy or engaged in anything like zina (adultery).
After that, we completely stopped communicating for almost a year. We repented to Allah and decided that, if we were to marry, it would be done only through our families and in accordance with Shariah. I have not even seen her face yet.
Meanwhile, the girl’s family learned about our relationship. Her father is unwilling to let her marry me. The biggest problem is that he has a very bad temper and physically assaults her mother when he gets angry. The girl fears that if she discusses our relationship with her family, her mother could be harmed. For this reason, she is not allowing me to send a marriage proposal to her family.
We also do not want to resume any communication that could lead us back into a forbidden relationship. Therefore, we are currently placing our trust in Allah. What should I do in this situation? Should I try to send a marriage proposal through a trusted elder or Islamic scholar, or would it be better to wait under the current circumstances? Considering the girl’s father’s anger and her mother’s safety, I would be grateful for guidance on how to proceed in accordance with Shariah.
Answer: The best course of action would be to stop thinking about this girl as a potential wife. There are so many obstacles, and her father does not consent to the marriage. It would not be right to marry his daughter under these circumstances.
It is understandable that you liked her. However, if you leave this relationship behind and marry another woman, you can develop affection and love for her as well. In Islam, love is prescribed within marriage. Falling in love before marriage can lead to such problems.
Nevertheless, if you believe there is a way to approach her father through a recommendation or marriage proposal, you may try it. However, it would not be right to marry a girl whose family does not approve of you.
Answered by: Allama Mufti Ubaidur Rahman Khan Nadvi
Source: Jameul Fatawa, Encyclopaedia of Islamic Jurisprudence and Fatwas.
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